wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
