i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
