he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
