im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
