i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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