My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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