Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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