wat bout pragnant strippers??
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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