Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
