Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
