my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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