You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
