I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
