Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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