You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
