There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
