I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
