There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
