Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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