For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
