Don't you send me to vm
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
