I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
