Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
