Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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