I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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