so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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