I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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