I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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