just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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