I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
