So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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