I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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