I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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