I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
