Whod you bang
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
