I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
