You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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