It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
