Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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