I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
