she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
