i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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