Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
