So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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