im about as happy as oj after his trial
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
