Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
