so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
