But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
