is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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