Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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