3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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