Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
