Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry about my life...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
