she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my being single is dangerous.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
